Knowing what to say or do when someone we care about is struggling with feelings of

hopelessness

low self-worth

fatigue

lasting sadness

lack of purpose/meaning

and/or thoughts of suicide

can feel difficult for many of us.

We want to be there, to show we love and care about them, but maybe we don’t quite understand what’s going on for them which makes it hard to know what to do.

Maybe we try to help by saying something along the lines of “It’ll get better” or “At least you have your health” or “Look on the bright side, you have so much to be thankful for!”.

These statements may have good intentions behind them, but the impact they have on the person struggling usually isn’t a great one.

To be there with someone in the thick of it, we can’t side-step the pain they’re feeling. Instead, we step into it with them.

By creating a space for true “withness” we have to let go of our anxiety to fix or to make it better. We let go of our unsolicited advice and work to understand instead of telling them what to do or how to feel.

Here is a video by Brené Brown, where she explains what true empathy (withness) looks like as opposed to sympathy:

Looking for more practical tips?

Here’s 5 things to say to a loved one struggling with depression:

1. How can I be helpful to you today?

Depression can lead to low motivation, tiredness, and trouble sleeping. Drop off a meal and eat it with them, give them a call to check in and see if they need anything. Try not to give advice on what they should or could be doing to feel better. A listening ear and/or your presence is enough.

2. Say why they're important to you.

Depression can make it hard to believe you are valuable and worthwhile. Try letting them know they matter to you and why. Send a text with the top three reasons you love them.

3. Even though I can't 100% understand how this feels for you, you are not alone.

Let them know you're there for them. Do not try and relate their experience to something you've gone through before. If you have experienced depression before, you can tell them you can relate but keep the focus on them. Listening is key!

4. Do you want to talk about it? I'm here when you're ready.

Offering support without demanding when it happens can be really helpful. Letting them know you're open to talking but giving them the space to choose if and when they're ready can help with feelings of safety and understanding.

5. How are you managing? ​
Depression is something many people deal with, but it's important to know when professional help is necessary. If your loved one needs to seek services, encourage them that it's a sign of strength and not weakness to do so. If they're already seeing someone, ask how their goals are going or what you've noticed it getting better.

Do you or someone you know need help with depression?

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